Why I Still Take Time Off for Grief (Six Years Later)
With the time-off request page open, I hesitated. Do I really need this day off? After all, it’s been six years.
Six years ago, on September 30, my husband of 17 years died. This date remains a marker of loss, heartache, and change. On the first anniversary, I knew I needed to step away from work. I spent the day kayaking in nature before gathering with friends to honor my late husband, Josh. Since then, I’ve taken this day each year to pause and reflect.
This choice is intentional. This loss was—and still is—significant. It’s not just another date on the calendar. Last year, I wondered if the fifth anniversary might be the last time I’d take the day, but as this one approached, I realized I still needed the mental and emotional space for my grief journey. I needed the mental health day—even if it pains my GenX self to admit it.
As the marketing coordinator for Lost & Found Grief Center, I am fortunate to work in a place that acknowledges grief every day. Yet even here, I questioned myself: Do I really need this day? The encouraging part was that my coworkers and boss not only approved my request but also affirmed it. Their support mattered more than I expected.
Grief is complex, and in the workplace, it becomes even more complicated. We all know our personal lives affect our jobs, but we often try to keep them separate. Over the years, while working for three different organizations, I’ve experienced both deep support and quiet neglect. Those contrasts bring me to a truth we often share at Lost & Found: there is no timeline for grief.
The emotions of loss don’t expire. Year six can be as painful as year two. That’s why it matters so much how workplaces respond. Compassion, flexibility, and understanding aren’t just “nice to have” — they’re essential.
From my perspective, as both a grieving spouse and an employee, here’s what I wish every employer knew:
- Be present. When a grief event strikes, ask if the employee wants to work and to what degree. Some need distraction; others need rest.
- Be understanding & flexible. Your employee may not be operating at 100%. Their mind and attention are clouded with emotions.
- Allow space. If someone needs time on an anniversary or significant date, let them take it—without judgment.
- Accept emotions. Tears or bursts of emotion may surface in meetings. Allow it without shame.
- Be honest. Don’t make decisions behind a grieving employee’s back. If focus remains a struggle, connect them with support resources (i.e., Lost & Found Grief Center) before making quick or long-term decisions.
There is no finish line for grief. What can be found, however, is understanding and patience. When workplaces provide that, they not only honor the humanity of their employees but also build a culture of trust and care—something every organization needs.
I can attest that taking a day for a short pause did lead to more focus on my return and continued healing within my ongoing grief work.
*Pictured above: Jennifer and her late husband, Josh, in the fall of 2018.
