This month marks one year since I assumed the leadership reins for Lost & Found Grief Center. I still have plenty to learn, but my first year at Lost & Found was like a graduate-level seminar on grief therapy, the nonprofit world, and leadership.  

Here are a few nuggets of knowledge I gathered regarding grief. 

  • There is more tragedy in society than I ever imagined. Babies die, kids die, young adults die, young moms and dads die, and spouses die. All those things happen far more often than I ever knew before I began working at a grief center. When you encounter someone in the store, at the park, or on the road, you have no idea what is happening in their lives.
  • We say, “died by suicide” or “died from suicide.” Not “committed suicide” because it assigns blame. By reducing stigma, we can encourage people to talk about the death of their loved one and their ensuing grief.  

A few things I’ve learned working at a nonprofit are: 

  • “We do the work!” I heard that phrase in my first week. When I asked who we hired to perform some task, a colleague told me, “We do the work!” Since then, I’ve spread mulch around the building, stood on a table to change ceiling tiles, and got soaked in a rainstorm while walking widows into the building for their grief group under a too-small umbrella. Indeed, we do the work — and it is worthwhile.
     
  • I underestimated the size of my “team.” Technically, we have 13 people on the payroll, plus 13 paid coordinators for grief groups. Additionally, we have nearly 30 unpaid facilitators, seven greeters, a 15-member Board, a 13-person Junior Board, over 50 regular volunteers, and numerous donors, event sponsors, and community partners. Lost & Found’s success is in the agency of others—meaningful impact requires collaboration.  

What I’ve learned about leadership: 

  • Get good people in the right positions and let them cook. My outstanding staff brings ideas, energy, and passion to the office. My job is to help them succeed. 
  • Remember Chesterton’s Fence—the idea that before you tear down a fence, you should find out why it was built in the first place. A new leader may be excited to storm in and make sweeping changes, but without any context, that often leads to solutions in search of problems. Take the time to learn and listen.  

Entering a new arena of work means discovering new partner organizations. Because of the grief support Lost & Found provides to families of organ and tissue donors, I learned about Mid-America Transplant, the St. Louis—based organ and tissue donor center serving our region. Last year, Mid-America saved nearly 900 lives through organ donations and improved the quality of life for almost 200,000 people through tissue donations.  

More than anything, I learned that the lyric, “A smile relieves a heart that grieves,” in the Rolling Stones’ song “Waiting on a Friend” is true. While Lost & Found cannot take away anyone’s pain, we can help them learn to cope with their grief and ensure that they know they are not alone. That process starts with a smile.