When my husband was murdered it knocked the wind out of me. I do not think I will ever recover; it is
like I have been crippled. No one in my
life has ever made me feel as wanted as he did, and now I just feel lost and
empty. At first, the kids and I were
afraid to sleep alone, so we all camped out in the living room. We avoided being at home at all costs, and
even now sitting down to dinner is hard because someone is missing. Family get-togethers, holidays and certain
songs are all reminders that he is not here.
And you realize all the things you took for granted- even little things-
like I used to forget to wear my wedding ring and he would tease me about it.
Since he died, it hasn’t left my finger.
I feel like I am betraying him if I do not wear it. Now I sit home in
the evening and I wait to hear the sound of his truck pulling up in the
driveway. I wait to see him walk through
the door and sit down in his chair and tell me about his day or one of his
corny jokes. I wait and I wait and I
plead with God to make it happen, but it never does and it never will again. And I am left feeling lost and lonely. I am scared that I have to live this life and
raise our two kids all on my own.