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Johnson Family

When my husband was murdered it knocked the wind out of me. I do not think I will ever recover; it is like I have been crippled. No one in my life has ever made me feel as wanted as he did, and now I just feel lost and empty. At first, the kids and I were afraid to sleep alone, so we all camped out in the living room. We avoided being at home at all costs, and even now sitting down to dinner is hard because someone is missing. Family get-togethers, holidays and certain songs are all reminders that he is not here. And you realize all the things you took for granted- even little things- like I used to forget to wear my wedding ring and he would tease me about it. Since he died, it hasn’t left my finger. I feel like I am betraying him if I do not wear it. Now I sit home in the evening and I wait to hear the sound of his truck pulling up in the driveway. I wait to see him walk through the door and sit down in his chair and tell me about his day or one of his corny jokes. I wait and I wait and I plead with God to make it happen, but it never does and it never will again. And I am left feeling lost and lonely. I am scared that I have to live this life and raise our two kids all on my own.